What defines a failure?

This morning I woke suddenly at 4:00. It was dark and quiet and I felt a sense of urgency that had to do with Africa. The battery on my cell is dead so I wasn't sure if anyone was trying to call me, so I prayed as I turned on my computer.

There it was: an email from Arnold.

Newton has run away from his grandma's house.
Arnold was overwhelmed and felt responsible. Arnold is in a place I have been so many times... and he feels alone.

Let me give you a little background.

Arnold is my friend from church, he leads young adults and he works in Pastor Farai's internet cafe in town. One day, when I was at my most broken I stumbled into Arnold's office and wept.

He had no idea what to do or why I was in his office.... he really didn't even know me. He knew who I was, but we rarely spent time together.

We spent the whole day together. Part of the time he listened to me cry and carry on and the rest of the time i just sat and tried to breathe while he worked.

Over the next year Arnold became more and more involved in the lives of the kids and in my life. He brings an important perpesctive and is so great with the boys. He is my rock. I can go into his office and even in the midst of his own chaos he will take time with me. He is my best friend. I miss him. His office has become a safe place for me, and even more so, for the boys. (That's them in his office)

I am sure there are moments when he regrets that first day because we have taken over his life!

Right now Arnold is filing my shoes. Although my feet are little, he is starting to see why I was crying so much! Our life in Zim, with the boys, is exhausting! But as he is also seeing, it is so rewarding!

Arnold was able to get one of our boys, one that has been around since that very first night in Nov 2005 back home to his grandma. It was a very difficult process, especially because I had to walk him through it over email. Because reunification requires travel and arnold has more than one full time job, he has never been able to go with me to see the process first hand.

He did a great job, he did everything that we do. He was as willing and obedient of a servant as one can be. He relied on God and did the best he could. Everything was good, we were all pleased, Newton was home.

Arnold went to visit after a week or so to check in, like we do and Newton was not happy.

This is what happens, life starts to happen and old stuff comes up. We revert back to old behavior patterns and we run. Well last night Newton ran.

Now comes the hard part.

When you have done life with one of these kids for months, as Arnold has, or years as we have in Newton's case, this part hurts. We miss him, we fear for him, we feel rejected by him, we feel disappionted.

Arnold has tasted this before, but never in a situation in which he devoted so much of himself.

He didn't know what to do for Newton, his family or for himself.

This morning at 4:00am I read his email and as I have frequently over the past year, I felt blessed beyond measure. But I also ached with a deep pain. I know this burden. I am grateful that others know it as well, although at the same time I am sad because I know how much he hurts right now.

But we will keep moving forward. One of the things Arnold and I talked about today, and the thing that I am most excited about since being back in the States, is the parenting curriculum that we are working on bringing back to Zim to sue with the families that are taking care of the boys. Because they have such special needs due to the behavior patterns that are established on the street, parenting is made more difficult. I am confindent that this biblically based parenting curriculm will make a difference and am hopeful that we will see a reduction in the amount of kids who return back to their life on the street.

Arnold is feeling the sting of what he thinks is failure...I have learned different. Just like Thomas Edison did, we are finding the ways that don't work. With each kid it is different. People are difficult, relationships are messy. We are making our way through. I think my friend is a huge success, one of my fave quotes about failure is from Lloyd Jones, "The men who try to do something and fail are infinitely better than those who try to do nothing and succeed." Arnold is trying to do something that most people where we live wont even consider. I am proud of him.

As for today we do what is in front of us, please keep Newton in your prayers, and please pray for my friend Arnold. More than that pray for Refuge, pray that as we face difficulties that we continue to be faithful and obedient to the burden on our hearts and to the call of our God.

(That's arnold with yara during one of our trips in July 2007)