Monday, June 29, 2020

What I'm Reading Now: The Connected Parent By Dr. Karyn Purvis and Lisa Qualls

Dr. Karyn Purvis. If you know, you know. This woman lived her life in a way that changed the world. The compassion, moxie and undeniable brilliance she carried is enough to make me buy any resource with her name on it. There is no book referenced in our home or given away more frequently than The Connected Child. Pages are highlighted, bindings are broken and sticky notes are strategically stuck throughout. Our kids know when to address Chapter 3 and Chapter 4 and they love above all else asking us if we need a redo. There are few people who have shaped my life or my work as a practitioner as much as Dr. Karyn Purvis.

When my parents were no longer able to parent me, when as a young child my grandparents became my primary caregivers overnight, my world was turned upside down. I cried and cried and cried. If everyone around me had understood the science behind my heartache, they would have cried too. When the crying eventually stopped it was assumed that I had experienced healing. The assumption was wrong. It was many years later, after much pain and suffering that I found my way into a therapist's office who understood attachment and the harm that I needed to overcome. I will be forever grateful.

Today I use what Dr. Purvis has taught me to help other families like mine, I do that 10,000 miles away from where home used to be. My grandma regularly tells me how much she wished this information were available when I was a little girl, how much she wishes she could go back and do it differently. Lisa Qualls says the same thing in these pages. Thanks to Dr. Purvis and to Lisa Qualls, the rest of us who parent children who have experienced deep hurts don't have to wish, the information is here and easily accessible. 

I held this book for a couple of months before I could bring myself to read it. It's like the love letter from a grandparent you miss deeply. You want to know what they've said, but you are also not ready to live in a world where you've read their final address.

Dr. Purvis did what she does best, she leads us to a place where science intersects with the Word of God in a way that brings transformation where we need it the most.  Lisa Qualls gave the world a gift. She took her friendship with Dr. Purvis and pulled back the cover and allowed us all to experience, up close and personal, what being mentored by Dr. Purvis means. Lisa gives practical real-life experiences with Trust Based Relational Intervention in a way that will help any parent, caregiver or trusted adult better use the tools Dr. Purvis taught us.

I love this book because it once again gave Karyn's voice to the world. The book is practical, well structured, organized and the key takeaways at the end of each chapter are helpful. We know that relationship based traumas require relationship based healing and Lisa's examples and experiences offer a much needed perspective to help us provide just that.

This book is a must read for anyone who has adopted or fostered, it is a must read for anyone who may ever in their entire life encounter a child who has experienced trauma. You will never regret learning what Dr. Purvis has to teach. You may only regret how long it took you to find your way to her.