1. 6. Worshiping in the dark is still worship
I have had some really dark days in my year as a 31 year old. Difficult days in which love hurt… days in which babies died and good seem to lose out to evil. Days that hurt deeply and left me wondering where God was. I am glad that God gives me the opportunity to question because in those moments of doubt He often teaches me something magnificent about His character.
Throughout these difficult days, I have never stopped trusting Him. I could still recognize His greatness and I still had a desire to follow Him. I learned from a very wise woman to, choose the risk of love even in the midst of the worst devastation. I have learned that when I chose the risk of love, I have never once been disappointed.
On these days, an album by Chris Tomlin has helped me give words to express my feelings.
Some of the lyrics that have come from my lips as tears poured from my eyes and my heart worshiped are these:
I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge you are my strength
As I pour out my heart these things I remember,
You are faithful God, forever
Let faith arise, Let faith arise
Open my eyes, open my eyes
________________________
Where you go I’ll go. Where you stay I’ll stay
When you move I’ll move. I will follow You.
Who You love I’ll love. How You serve, I’ll serve.
With this life I lose I will follow You.
___________________________
Our God is greater. Our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other.
Our God is healer. Awesome in Power.
Our God, Our God.
And if our God is for us then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us then what could stand against us?
And if our God is for us then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us then what could stand against us?
I think Rick Warren’s wisdom sums up this lesson for me. He said, “When you feel abandoned by God yet continue to trust Him, you worship Him in the deepest way.”
2. 7. Difficult does not mean impossible & Possible does not mean easy
“Because a thing seems difficult for you do not think it is impossible” Marcus Aurelius
During my last few days as a 31 year old, I received an email from a friend who said, “Life in Africa is hard… I am amazed that you have lived here for so long now…” I began thinking over my time here and how life in Zimbabwe has been difficult for me. There have so many moments where I wanted to give up, walk away and return to my “real life”. But throughout this last year especially, I have learned that difficult is not the same as impossible. I have found that with God, things that would have been impossible for me, have instead just been difficult.
The Bible says that “With God all things are possible” I have learned this to be true, however I’ve also had to accept that this doesn’t mean “With God all things are easy and painless.”
3. 8. It all works together
In my old house in Vic Falls, I had an office and when I would learn a valuable lesson or hear something that I needed to remember I would write it down and stick it to the wall. I had a wall full of little lessons I wanted to carry with me. When I moved I pulled many of them down and kept them with me in an envelope. In my room in Highfields, I did the same thing… around my desk were little notes stuck everywhere on the way.
Recently I have begun working on a project that feels like the BIG ONE. The thing that all the other things were leading up to. I know from past experience that God absolutely does use all things together for good and so as I started laying out my thoughts about how to get started on this project, I started thinking back to the lessons I have learned to prepare me for this work.
I thought about Munya and Bothwell, little boys who stole my heart on the streets of Vic Falls. I thought about their families. I thought about all of the families I counseled, who have taught me so much. I thought of blind Mr. Who and what his life and struggles showed me. I thought of ghettoes and villages I have spent years in and the opportunity I have had to learn the ins and outs of the culture, the challenges and the joys of life in Zimbabwe. I thought of abandoned babies and orphanages and child headed families.
I didn’t know where to start so I pulled out that old envelope and all those old scraps of paper and I stuck them all around. One by one they led me to the answers I had been looking for—or in some cases the right questions to ask, and my thoughts came together. Some of those scraps of paper have been sent around the world by some of you, others are thoughts you sent me in text messages or emails. Some are things that wise old Zimbabwean women have taught me as we sat around a fire cooking or bent over tubs washing clothes.
One thing I know, not one lesson has been learned in vain and certainly all things work together.
4. 9. Remember the details
I grew up in a church that is fabulous. My grandma still attends this church weekly, as do some very special friends of mine and it is a joy to church there when I am in Michigan. The church is big, and I left there a long time ago—when I was 17. I did not know the pastor personally, but I sent him an email because I wanted to thank him for his life’s work… to thank him for providing a place for me to learn some of the fundamental truths that have led me to where I am today. I had the pleasure of having several meetings with him as I was back and forth to Michigan this year.
In one meeting my heart broke and I wept telling him one of the stories that changed my life here -the story of baby Edward’s death.
Edward was an abandoned baby that I spent months holding, loving and feeding until one week when he got a fever. Edward lived his entire life in a hospital and yet he died because of lack of medical care. When I walked in to check on him one morning I was told that he was dead from an infection, rage filled me. When Nyasha and I had left a few hours before that, we had been told that the doctor was coming—as we had been told for a couple of days.
Months later I wept retelling the story because of a painful truth- Edward died because no one cared enough to take care of him. He didn’t die because of lack of medical treatment. He died because no one loved him enough to ensure access to the things he needed.
I told Pastor Doug this story and many others as he asked about my work and my life in Zimbabwe.
Weeks later Pastor Doug brought me in front of the congregation to say good-bye as I was heading back to Zimbabwe. He recounted the story I told him and as he said “baby Edward” my heart jumped. He remembered his name. The nurses who cared for him forgot him name within days, and yet this man who never met him remembered.
I learned a lesson when Pastor Doug remembered the details of this baby's short life… it is often in the little details that we show how much we care for the least of these.
A week or so ago I was visiting an orphanage that I often spend time at, and as I arrived there were a group of people there playing with the kids. They were doing a good thing: playing, cleaning, ironing and giving the overworked mommies a break. As I greeted each child by name one of the visitors said, “That’s a lot names to remember.” Yes, it is, but when I see the eyes of a child light up when I say his or her name I am taught that it is worth it to remember the detail
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